Tuesday, March 29

Just For Laughs

Just thought I'd share some of my randomness with you. As it happens, even when I'm writing an e-mail to my sis, I find a way to do so with flair!

The sitch: I hadn't talked to my sister in a long time.  So what better way to get her to e-mail me than with threats of an alien abduction. (note: Tori's refers to a pair of kick ass Tori Burch boots she bought. It'll make sense in a minute.) Observe.

Hello dearest,
 It has become disturbingly apparent that you've been abducted by aliens. Don't 
panic. I'm banking on them not knowing what a cell phone does and thus ignoring 
your huddled form in the corner of the spacecraft reading this message. You're 
probably just now passing a nebula, totally normal. Don't panic.
 See the being that looks a little like Mr. Potato Head? That's Hujhfuejls --the 
 J is silent-- he prefers if you say it with a touch of a british accent and as 
 though announcing the arrival of a king. Makes him feel important. At any rate, 
 he's the one with the cookies. They'll be in his right pocket. That's also 
 where he keeps his slime. 
 Do NOT eat the slime. 
 You should also know that their concept of right and left is reversed and also 
 not on a horizontal plane. So yes, you want the "hand" (those tentacle-y things 
 are hands. They'll be offended if you call it anything else) the "hand" at the 
 top of its...head, for lack of a better term. They're not offended by not 
 calling it a head, but I'd suggest doing it anyway. 
 Back to the cookies.  

 The topmost hand on his head, the one submerged in his pocket that looks like a 
 mouth. That's what you're looking for. It has the cookies. Don't forget about 
 the slime. 
 Do NOT eat the slime. 
 The cookies are perfectly safe. 
 *Sidebar* Are you wearing the Tori's? Hujhf's "girlfriend" LOVES Tori's. I think 
 her, umm, feet might be your size. Don't panic. Best to take them off and give 
 them to her. She has a fondness for human feet. The humans they're attached to, 
 not so much. Anyhow, where were we. Right. Cookies.
 Do NOT eat the cookies.
 Why aren't you panicking? You should be panicking!!!!
 I suspect you'll be gone a couple more days, but a brief transmission indicating 
 you are okay will suffice. Provided, of course, that you have not eaten the 
 cookies. Or the slime for that matter. And that you gave up the shoes and did 
 not panic.
 Tell Hujhf I said "Markensplank!" (just a fancy way of saying hello; the aliens 
 are a pretentious lot) and, if you want to make it back in one piece, do NOT 
 challenge him to Wii bowling. When he loses, he'll offer you cookies. They're 
 safe, without the slime. Do NOT eat the slime...or the cookies. 
 Now's a good time to panic. 
 Insanity's cousin, twice removed. 

The reply to this was instant and short:  
You're not well, and HELL NO the alien can't have my shoes!!!

At least I know she's all right, and the Tori's are safe. The lesson: Threats of aliens separating her from her feet won't part a woman from a pair of killer shoes.



Sunday, March 27

#SampleSunday lets you #LickMyInk

I'm posting a lick here, but if you know like I know, you can lick the first 78 pgs of my book for FREE! 

Today's Lick is from the recently released Different Shades of Gray:

   I mean, sure it's a God-given talent to slide from the top of a pole and drop into the splits on the floor and still manage to have all your lady bits intact, but did I really need to see that? 
      So anyhow, there I stood, awaiting the arrival of my jet-setting model sister so she could have her chance to be one of the twenty ladies chosen to fight, bitch, spit, scream, and scratch out their displays of affection for a total stranger—on national television. 
     Love. Ain't it grand?

That's all I'm allowed to post for now, but like I said, you can buy it now on your favorite eReader, or Lick more Ink for free: 

Saturday, March 26

Are you "Social" or just "Networking"?

“Now, if I'm Bobby —can't even act like I forgot your name 'cause I didn't know it in the first place—I'm tryin' to nut and get up.” ~ Deuce

The above quote is from a character in a book I wrote called Devil’s Flame, (not out yet, but definitely coming soon).  And while the context this was written in had to do with an argument over edits, I think it’s fitting for my topic today: Social Networking. 

The last thing people want is for someone to tell them what to do, unless you’re a submissive, in which case it’s an entirely opposite bowl of cranberries. But I have to say, if you’re in any way, shape, or form utilizing social networking as a means to push a product or service then for the love of all things yellow remember the SOCIAL part!

What do I mean? Take FaceBook, for instance. You send out your friend requests, get a thousand or so people to “like” you or your page, and then you post once every blue moon about what you’re selling. To which I say an emphatic “Pfffftttt!” It bugs me no end to get unsolicited posts directly on my page or direct messages that read BUY MY WHODAWHATSIT!  Seriously? That’s just networking (and not even good networking), casting a line and hoping to get a few chance nibbles on the bait.

I know what you’re thinking: “But Sable, I’d never do that.” Well then this isn’t directed toward you, but keep reading anyway 'cause Licking My Ink is yummy! 

Like everybody hocking a book nowadays, I have my FB page, my website, my blog, and my twitter feed among other presences on the net.  And, yeah, I post about my book, but I spend more time on FB interacting with my “friends” than ramming home that I’ve got goods for sale. What my marketing people do is out of my control (grin). But as it turns out, when people get to know you and like you, they’re more willing to look at what you’ve done.  I know...who'da thunk it?

Not long ago I spent an hour talking to a new author friend about random things; sharing tips about writing, other hobbies, how gas was cheaper when we were younger… we messaged each other back and forth. Not once did I say, “go buy my book.”  The last message I got from her that night was, “I just downloaded your book. Can’t wait to read it!”  Well color me surprised! 

I know, we all have lives and don’t always have the time to talk to each person one-on-one, and this might have been a one-time occurrence, but I think it solidifies my point that taking the time to cultivate relationships that last long after your first release is as important as selling a ton of copies of your first book on the first day.  Further, those people are then willing to post about your goods on their wall, or retweet your updates, which exposes you to a set of friends you might not have immediate access to.

Which brings me back to my buddy Deuce’s comment.  Take the time to learn about your readers, just as they are taking the time to learn about you.  There are a million and eight writers now, don’t be the one who swings by a page to “nut and get up”, most especially if it’s unsolicited. (In general, unsolicited nutting is frowned upon in polite society).  I plan to do this writing thing for a long time because it’s buckets of fun!  And yes I want to make money at it, but to do that I understand I need a following.  People who are fans not just because someone asked them to LIKE my page, but because they actually read the ink and decided what I make up is whet enough to come back to and keep licking. People who want to be notified when I’ve got a new release out and who ask their friends “have you read any Sable Jordan?”

So, again, whether you’re a twitterhead, facebook fiend, myspace maven, or whatever, remember to take the time to be social. 

That’s my two cents, refunds accepted.
Tell me, what are your thoughts about social networking?

 *Dying to read more about that quote? Read an excerpt of Devil's Flame on my website*

Sunday, March 20

Come on and #LickMyInk...

Pulled From Found Shit
But just one lick. 
(Don't you just LOVE the pic? Hotness!)
Anyhow, here's a taste of a novelette I recently completed. My site lists it as "Ink Drying", which in Sable-speak means it's in edits, so no excerpt yet. But I've gotten a number of inquiries about it so to all those wondering, it'll be bumped up to "Fresh Whet Ink" soon.  Might even release it this summer. Hmmm....  

Without further ado, I present to you a taste from my latest THE DOXY'S DAYBOOK:

“These people don’t know what you are, but I do.”
I take a deep breath.  “And what am I, Maria?”
“You. Are. A. Whore.” She snips off each word, emphasizes the last.
“That’s where you’re wrong.  See, a whore doesn’t warrant a second thought.  A whore is a fast fuck in an empty closet or off to the end of the subway platform, tucked out of sight; just a passing fancy, an end to satisfy an immediate human urge.  Whores are…base. 
“Now a doxy like me,” I lean forward, voice still low, “I’m that random smile on your husband’s face in the middle of the day, Maria.  I’m the pep in his step in the morning while you dawdle over the banality of which bag will match which shoes; what you and the girls will eat for lunch over at Lupa’s in the Village. And when he finally pushes through the door after working late yet again, I’m the only reason he can stomach coming home to you at night.”

I'm so tempted to post more! I loved this story, can't wait to share it with you. Till then pass this Lick to friends.


Friday, March 18

It's My Book's Birthday!!!

SANG it, Nina!  

That's right, today Different Shades of Gray is officially available for purchase! *dougies*  And like Nina says, I'm Feelin' GOOOOD!

This week was utter madness.  Best laid plans were tested, hair was pulled out.  A positively horrible time to give up candy and soda (for Lent) and I think my Muse went on strike.  She loves her candy (Yes, I'm blaming her completely).  As a result I haven't written anything, which tends to stress me out.  Got a lot of stories to tell.

But, believe me I know that in the grand scheme of things, it's a small matter.

It took a really long time for this day to come, and now that it's here I'm in "enough" mode, as in, did I reach enough people? Did I tweet enough? Did I post a kajillion times on FB to let everybody know that the book is out?   Truth is, probably not. There's always more you can do, and I'm a newbie in this game.  The past month I've been slowly compiling info from those who have done it (well) before me.  But getting over the hump of the first one is what's important, 'cause now I have something to market for the rest of my life.  So chances are good you'll see a tweet or a post to go buy the book. And if you did already, thanks.  Tell a friend to Lick my Ink :)

I mentioned in yesterday's post about the CONTEST where you can get a free copy of the book.  Click on the link to find out how.

A SUPER HUGE thanks to everyone over at eXcessica for all of their hard work and for publishing my first one. If you haven't checked us out lately, go see what's new. Plenty of books Amazon banned. (Oooh, banned books!)  And to all my family and friends who have supported me in this endeavor, couldn't have done it without you.  And, last but not least, to everyone who's licked my ink! Hope you enjoy it :)

Off to celebrate and work on an outline!

Sable J

Thursday, March 17

Pre-Party Thursday 13

"I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes. What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?"
 ~W.C. Fields

Maybe you've heard, tomorrow's my release day. Yep, I said it, the year-long wait is finally nearing it's end. And isn't it most fortuitous that the day before my book drops is Saint Patty's Day?  Which means I get to party  two day's in a row. SCORE!

I'll be drinking today as a sign of solidarity with lushes around the world. That's a given.  It won't be beer (I know, that's sacrilege)  but bet your ass I plan to be flat on mine. Hey, if you're going to do something, do it right. 

So for my (first) Thursday 13, I thought I'd let you know exactly how I'll be celebrating tomorrow's book release. (These aren't necessarily in order, or out of order for that matter).

  1. Happy dance — sort of a funky chicken/dougie combo that has to be seen to be believed, but don't hold your breath, I won't be taping it
  2. Big glass of Moscato 
  3. Cake — only because I gave up candy for Lent. When Easter comes, expect a post about 13 confections I plan to eat before the sun sets
  4. Contest — Yes, I'm having a contest, and if you click this link or just go to the contest page, you'll know how to enter.
  5. Jumping on the bed — this isn't really related to the celebration, more of a daily thing I do just for the heck of it. I've got high ceilings and I'm determined to touch them.
  6. Bugging all of my friends and family to post about my release on Facebook and Twitter.  
  7. Big glass of Moscato — wait, did I say that already?
  8. Starting an outline for Different Shades of Gray 2 — oh yeah, it's not over, there's still another story to tell
  9. Hanging out with my Facebook friends — Yep, they've gone and grown on me. People from around the world who I didn't know before but who are super cool, and we actually *gasp* talk
  10. Shopping — every major milestone in a woman's life is marked by some form of retail therapy. I've been told if I don't partake in my God-given right to shop, I'll have my womanhood membership revoked. I can't risk it...
  11. Massage — When I'm not moonlighting as an author, I'm a massage therapist. Which means a lot of rubbin' on other folks (ease away from the gutter) and not a whole lot of bodywork for me. I earned it.
  12. Big glass of Moscato — Can't believe I almost forgot to mention that!
  13. Sending out thank you notes/tweets/status updates/emails to everyone who's been involved with this process and to everyone who buys a copy of my book.

See, I've got a long day ahead of me.  Don't forget to go to my Contest page to find out  how you can get entered for a chance to win a copy of Different Shades of Gray.  And as always, 

Thanks for Licking my INK

Tuesday, March 1

My new site!

Well, I'm unpacked and moved in just in time for the book release on the 18th. I like this place. It's got that New House smell. A little more ease of access than the last site.  So look around.  On the Books page are excerpts to 5 of my completed works and 5 premises to the INK that's still WHET.  And the BUY links for Different Shades of Gray will go live in a couple weeks.  It's about to get hectic around here :)

Do me a favor, see those buttons on the bottom of this post, yeah, those ones, click on 'em to share this with a friend.  'Preciate it.

Let me know what you think! And as always, thanks for LICKing my INK :)

Who am I?

My photo
Quick and dirty, I’m a writer of multicultural erotica, erotic thrillers, seductive romances, and whatever else comes to mind. Tattooed vixen. Wicked humorist. Incurable humanist. Proud geek! Closet badass. (Shhh…) Lover of pit bulls, fast cars, all music, and candy. THAT’S THE NUT IN A NUTSHELL.